Jealousy, the vicious part of our emotion. [Experience]

What is Jealous?

A quick google would tell you,

"jeal·ous
/ˈjeləs/
adjective
1. feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages."

My experience with jealousy.

In my whole life, I wasn't a jealous person, or at least I believed so. I never really got seriously jealous about anything. Maybe for silly things, like when comparing the number of chocolates my brother got and getting jealous of it. But that's that. I never really progressed further than that. My perspective of jealousy was, it's just a silly emotion, and not everyone will have it especially me. 

The incident that made me realize, I am not immune to feel jealous.

I experienced obsessive jealousy recently through an unanticipated incident.

    What happened was, I met this person, And they were always nice to me and I realized that never felt this much warmth and comfort with anyone before. Also, I knew the fact that they are very precious and unique which created this urge of keeping them for myself only. Even tho I know it's not possible. But the thought of seeing them with others, or having their existence with others made me feel painful and miserable. I remember I have spent days just thinking of how the other person would be having their moment with others. My whole consciousness was overridden by the thoughts of them filled with jealousy. Jealousy to the others who spent time with 'my' favorite person. Even if it's a stranger, I still had intense jealousy. At the same time, I felt helpless too because my favorite person is such a gentle soul. I just couldn't fathom ruining the connection we had. So I was very less obvious about my psychological details. 

It's been some time since I have separated from them, and now thinking back to the moment of memories. I kinda feel sad and sympathetic for that person and stupid of myself. Because I should never hinder with other's personal choices and likings. Even tho I didn't really affect them much. But just the risk of destroying their free will is unimaginable, and should never be upon anyone. 

What exactly is wrong with feeling jealous, of both parties(victor and victim).

I am gonna refer the "my favorite person"/Victim as "X"

The amount of psychological effect it had on my brain and my in-the-past emotions was not at all positive. I was very overwhelmed always, just thinking and worrying about the consequence of X's actions and that I might lose them to others. The constant fear and agony of pain and suffering I endured for a reason which I had no control of.
I remember doing nothing and wasting my time in the thoughts of X's inevitable scenario where I would lose X to others.

I never felt anything positive from being jealous, but my brain couldn't control itself either. It was a weird situation. Even when I tried not to be jealous. I was taken hostage by my emotions. 

I wouldn't be able to tell from the perspective of X, but I am sure it wouldn't have felt comfortable at all to endure being the reason for someone's jealousy.

Below is a different point of perspective from a stranger from the Philippines.

Conversation with Anghell(Angel)

What jealousy?

"Jealousy, it only happens when you're insecure about something or someone.

If you're insecure about yourself, and the insecurity will turn into jealousy to others."

Are you a jealous person?

"I am doing my best, I am confident, and that I am doing fine now.

Living my life, I don't want to stress myself, by getting jealous or something anymore." 

In your opinion, when/which is the most jealous point of life that you have experienced?

"So, there is girl at my class, And I was jealous of her for her high grade, other activities she was good at. She was basically good at everything. 
And I am a person who is very shy, private. and not so very talkative. I try to be not visible to everyone and kinda annoying." 

"On the other side she was very open about everything, so everyone used to like her more. 
And I was always waiting for my time to shine, but it never came, or atleast I believed so."  

"But now these past few months, I have changed my mentality. I don't really care or need to wait for my time. I have stopped believeing like that.
Because I just make my own time and do my own thing according to how I like." 

"The point I learnt from it is, No one is gonna be there for you when the 'time' comes. So you have to make the best out of yourself and don't expect other people to adore you or idolize you. It's for your own Goodness and Happiness."

This is just one of my experiences but I have a huge amount of ideas and thoughts I want to share, so please follow me or bookmark this blog.

Thanks,
Peace out.


If you've any questions, please feel free to ask in the comment section.